GOOD SHEPHERD SERVICES

SAFETY PLANNING...WHAT’S THAT?

A safety plan is any kind of strategy a survivor uses to try and be safer.  Most survivors of domestic violence are planning for their safety all the time, even if no one can see that.

Survivors do many things to try and make a bad situation better.  They may try couples counseling or they may call the police.  They may try to do everything right so that the abuser doesn’t get mad, or they may leave temporarily, or send their children away somewhere safer.  Living with abuse is hard and exhausting and often survivors feel responsible for what is happening and take the blame.

But abuse is never the fault of the survivor.  The responsibility for the abuse lies with the person who is committing abusive acts in order to try and control their partner/family.

Survivors are not to blame for the abuse, but they are the ones who will have to work to get safer.  It’s hard to do that alone and many survivors feel isolated from friends, family, and community.

Leaving abusive relationships can be very difficult for many reasons.  Survivors may feel they have few options and no good place to go.  They may not want to separate their children from the other parent, and of course they may still love their partner.  Leaving can also feel dangerous due to the abuser’s threats about what will happen.  Studies have shown that there is often an escalation of stalking and abuse when a survivor tries to leave.  This means that sometimes staying feels like the safer option. 

Reaching out for help and getting support might be the first step to increasing safety, whether a survivor stays in the relationship or leaves.  An advocate can help a survivor plan for herself and her children one step at a time by developing a support network, joining a support group, keeping a log of threats, contacting the police or a lawyer, getting an order of protection, or entering a shelter.  The advocate will listen, and work with the survivor at the survivor’s own pace.