Safe Homes Project
Healthy Youth Relationship Options (HYRO) Initiative
In 2006, the Safe Homes Project launched the Healthy Youth Relationship Options (HYRO) Initiative to bring information, training and outreach to students who are part of Good Shepherd's Brooklyn Young Adult Borough Centers (YABCs).
Each semester, a number of students from across our Brooklyn YABCs come together to participate in HYRO workshops - learning what a healthy relationship is, how to identify the signs of abuse and raising awareness in their schools and communities.
Youth relationship violence does exist and while it's okay to enjoy entering the world of dating, it's very important for youth to know the warning signs of abuse and how to protect themselves. This page is written by the HYRO students and intended to help other young people to be safe in their relationships.
Youth helping youth to be safe in their relationships.
CYBER STALKING
Protect Yourself from Cyber Abuse
Facebook, MySpace, texting, instant messaging, etc. can be fun ways to stay in touch, but in abusive relationships they can be used to torment someone psychologically. Cyber communications are also another way for an abuser to control his/her partner. Posting mean messages, embarrassing pictures, spreading rumors, and contacting your friends are all ways that cyber bullying occurs. For example, someone may block an ex-boyfriend/girlfriend, who will then continue to create fake profiles to send hurtful messages.
Cyber abuse, bullying, and stalking are growing concerns for young people, and many of us have to deal with it in our everyday lives and in our relationships. There are a few things we should be aware of and should practice in order to protect ourselves online:
- Accept only friends that you know.
- Hide your friends and comments from others by setting your filter to private.
- Do not to put your picture and full name up together. Do one or the other or neither. Have only friends in your immediate circle know your "spoofed," or made up profile.
- While some online users use spoofing to protect their identity, spoofing has also been used to cyber bully others.
- If you have been a target online, it may be better to just stay off line for a while altogether, depending of course, on your situation.
If you are being stalked or abused via the cyber world, save, archive, and print out all of the abusive messages. If you receive abusive text messages you will need to take pictures of those messages, since they are not permanently stored in your phone. Share the evidence with those that can help you.
Replying to threatening or abusive messages can make matters worse and may encourage the abuser to escalate. No contact or response might be the best course of action. Getting help and support is even better.
For more information go to the National Crime Victims Center: http://www.ncvc.org/
PERSONAL STORY
Mr. Perfect
When I was 15 years old I had a very close friend who had been dating her boyfriend since she was 14 years old. At the beginning of their relationship she was so happy to be with him. She used to say, "He is Mr. Perfect!" You couldn't get them away from each other. He seemed like the nicest guy in the world. He would always pick her up in his car from school. He would call her all the time just to say he loved her and would surprise her at her house with flowers. He even paid her phone bill.
To all of us he seemed like Mr. Perfect, and she was so lucky to have met a guy who wanted to be with her all the time. But with time, things began to change and I saw her less and less. Every time her friends would call her cell phone, her boyfriend would pick up. In school I realized she had changed a lot about herself. She dressed differently, she started to fail her classes; her mind always seemed in another world. I finally confronted her when I saw she had bruises on her arm. After hours of trying to get her to tell me the truth she looked at me, and with tears in her eyes, she started telling me how "Mr. Perfect," had changed into "Mr. Crazy." He had become violent, and she didn't know how. It seemed that over time he had changed and little by little got control of her life. Now she didn't know how to get it back.
I realized she was in an abusive relationship. I didn't know how to help her. It turned out that his sweet ways were just his undercover way to control her life. Always picking her up from school was his way of making sure she would not go anywhere without him after school. She was scared of him. After talking with her, I told her she didn't deserve a relationship where she didn't feel safe or happy. After class we talked to the school counselor and asked for help. She had moved in with him and didn't have anywhere to go. The counselor talked with her, and then I didn't see her for several weeks. One day she came back to school. She told me how she went to stay with her aunt in New Jersey and had ended things with her boyfriend. She had changed her cell phone number, and felt safer. The counselor had explained her options and helped her to plan for her own safety. This had helped her to get back some control and move on with her life.
It's important to know the warning signs of abuse and control and to get help! To find out more about the warning signs of relationship violence, please visit www.knowtheredflags.com. Remember: No one deserves to be abused.
LINKS AND RESOURCES
Helpful resources for teens, including LGBTQ youth
Websites
Love is Respect
Day One
Legal, civil, benefits assistance, and advocacy for youth ages 12-22
Center Against Domestic Violence
http://www.centeragainstdv.org/teens/index.html
Center for Anti- Violence Education
Power Action Change for Teens (PACT program) offers self defense classes and leadership training.
The Door
Multi-service center for teens
National Domestic Violence Hotline
http://www.ndvh.org/
The Safe Space
Choose Respect
http://www.chooserespect.org/scripts/teens/teengetfacts.asp
Helpful Flyers and Brochures
Teen Tools for Dating Violence
Teen Tools if you are Being Stalked
Safe Homes Project Youth Awareness Brochure
Helpful Hotlines
Day One
1-800-214-4150
National Teen Dating Abuse Hotline
1-800-331-9474
NYC 24-hour Domestic Violence Hotline
1-800-621-4673
Safe Homes Project
718-499-2151
Youthline
1-800-246-4646
24 hour hotline
Dating Bill of Rights
You have the right to:
- Put yourself first sometimes
- Ask for help or support
- Protest unfair treatment or criticism
- Make your own decisions, have your own opinions and ideas
- Make mistakes and try again
- Say "no"
- Be by yourself, even if others want your company
- Choose your friends
- Have your feelings, whether they make "sense" or not
- Change your mind
You DO NOT have to:
- Be perfect
- Please everyone
- Apologize for being yourself
- Feel guilty about what you need or desire
- Always do more and never set a limit
- Do something you really are not okay doing
- Give what you really don't want to give
- Stay in a relationship that isn't right for you
You DO have to:
- Decide your own values and limits
- Respect the values and limits of others
- Communicate clearly and honestly
- Check your own words and actions
- Reach out to others for the help and support you need
Some Warning Signs of Abuse and Control
Does your boyfriend/girlfriend:
- Act jealous and possessive, not want you to have friends, check up on you?
- Try to control where you go, what you wear, who you see, your opinions and choices?
- Brag about being violent and scary, make threats, have a history of abusing other friends and partners?
- Pressure you to do things you don't want to do, including sex?
- Blame you for everything, you can never do anything right?
- Have mood swings and explosive temper?
To get help, call 1-800-214-4150, Day One's 24 hour hotline for young victims of dating abuse or the Safe Homes Project hotline 718-499-2151.
HYRO Contributors
The stories and articles on the Youth Page were written by:
Itzel
Camille
Giselle
